Well, since the last time I posted, I haven't done a thing about the house. Today (about 30 minutes ago) I sent Robin an email telling her my intent to let the house go into foreclosure. I tried to be neutral about it... it sucks no matter how you look at it, and it's NOT the way I wanted things to go. I wish there was another option to having to make Jacob move... but I don't think there is. I know she SAYS she's looking into this low-interest loan... and that's part of the reason I let things go through the holidays. The other part, of course, is that I don't like conflict. But, it can't go on and on forever... and to say Nita is still upset about it would be an understatement (and understandably so). So I sent it today... the ball rolls forward on that starting now, and we'll just have to see how it goes.
I managed to survive another Christmas. I overspent... as always. Which wouldn't be SUCH a bad thing if I had credit... but I don't. So when I overspend, I bounce checks and shit goes to hell. This time it affected my friends... a check I wrote for Beth bounced, and she had to deal with it for me. That SUCKS, and I feel like hell. 1) for making my friend suffer for me, 2) because someone had to cover my ass, 3) because it was Donna & Beth of all people. They have covered my ass enough in this lifetime... what a fuckup they must think I am. For that matter... maybe I am. On top of that, I got so wrapped up in my problems, I didn't go over to thier house to pick up my present from Beth... which was perishable. They had put it in the freezer and took it out for me (on the day I said I would be there) and of course it went bad. I'm sure Beth was hurt... I feel bad. But there's always the question of: Why did they take it out of the freezer in the first place, since they know me? Probably something very reasonable, like the freezer was packed with holiday stuff so they needed the space... but then, why wait 10 days to "remind" me that I didn't pick it up? Because people are only human... even friends. Clearly they were pissed, compounded with the check bouncing, so they let it roll... Ah well, nothing to be done for it now except learn and try harder to be ontime and communicate better with... well... everyone.
Let's see... I survived New Years as well. That just downright sucked. Nita was sick, I was being my usual holiday self (pissy), Jake was supposed to come over and didn't because Robin "never got an answer from me about that night"... and Nita's kids mostly went out to friend's houses. Personally I'm almost positive I talked to Robin about New Year's Eve... I think she's getting forgetful and can't believe that she might be... because it's so not her... and just fucked up. But, I don't have proof and I'm not positive... or I would cram it down her throat. Anyway... Nita and I sat on the couch and watched movies, then paused them for the ball drop... I knocked over the champagne... we cleaned up a little, clinked glasses, cleaned up some more, kissed, and went back to movies. All in all it really wasn't sucky... we were together, no-one got hurt, things were quiet... it could certainly have been worse! But she was upset that the family was apart... and things could certainly have been better.
I dunno... holidays don't seem like what they used to be.
What's cool, though, is that I can see them changing. In my mind, looking forward, I can visualize things better... myself being relaxed around Christmas again... thing being happy and stable through the holidays... happy, that's a cool thought all alone! I can see it... I can visualize it... therefore I can achieve it. And that, friends and neighbors, is hope.
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